Hidden thoughts

I haven't written anything for over a week. I can't say what it is. but it feels like I haven't anything to write about. No let's rephrase that one, I know what I want to write about, but I just can't find the way to write about it. Yeah, still there? Good... Well, it's not that I don't want t write, I've just got some kind of indeterminate feeling that I don't know how to express myself. And I really want to shout so much stuff to the world. So what's the suppressing thing? I haven't got a fucking clue... but I'm not going to get tempered. I''m as calm as can be, trying to find a solution; or better, trying to find the problem.

Nope... haven't found it yet...

What might have something to do with it it is the following. This morning when I got into the tram, I thought I got a heart-attack, as I saw somebody who looked sooooo much like a person I'm not prepared for to see, coz I don't even know if I want to see her at all. Now or ever. So I just walked by that person and didn't look back. But for sure it was like I got some high voltage shock or something.
Well, as I haven't thought about that person for a long long time (yes, on purpose I was trying to withhold the thought to appear, coz it only would make me feel totally miserable again), but now all day long she appearedon my mind, like in short flashes. I must say that it wasn't annoying at all. It was more like some voice in my head wass saying: "Hey! I'm still in here, please give me some attention, I've been put away for way to long right now." So the voice got my attention, but I'm not willing to spend a lot of energy on that subject, but deep inside me my subconsciousness is starting to spend time on it.

So after I finished working today, it started to distract me more and more, and it's getting in the way of other thoughts, which I think have first right to be taken care of and which are trying to fight their way out... Well, at the social meeting of AEGEE-Utrecht tonight the distraction was actually so big that I must have seemd 'absent' to some people (and Nicole, as I know that you'll be reading this anyway, sorry for that).
So now I'm in doubt... keep it in, or let it out...

[Posted in: Utrecht, Netherlands]